A New National Anthem for Canada

oh, canada! yeah, canada!
like that, canada!
oh, canada! (don't stop now, canada!
don't stop!

oh, canada!
ho, you so fine in the passenger seat
of hong kong homies
racing their hondas on native lands

oh, canada!
if you hate gays so much
then why command hot patriot love
in all thy sons?

oh, canada!
you're vain and meek and moot
you never were the true north
(although for that you gave us nunavut)

oh, canada!
you're far and wide, and comfortable to live in
until your deals with uncle sam
and your cops' boots—then we give in

oh, canada! who gives a fuck to vote
if you won't give a hoot
oh, canada! god knows your half-assed
half-governments can't keep us good

oh, canada! we'll soon need all our gods
to keep you glorious and free
oh, canada! say, can you see
who now will guard the world for thee?

oh, canada! for just about two hundred years
we bent over for you and yours
oh, canada! yeah, canada!
it's time we took our turn

oh, canada! yeah, canada!
you've been a naughty dirty girl
oh, canada! ungh, canada!
when will you finally learn?