Jack Bauer, you're the manliest of men,
Who shoots his gun at foul terrorists,
Each episode, each hour, you again
Pound into infidels your mighty fists.
For loneliness you're destined from the start —
No woman can you keep for o'er a day,
And yet, 'tis best to have a lonesome heart,
Than be like Cummings, who's both dead and gay.
The super high tech of the CTU
Holds us in thrall, our geeky mouths agape.
But what's the point of Bill's computer crew,
If it's held back by miles of reddish tape?
With high hope and faith in your style and class,
Go forth, Jack, put a cap in every ass!