my wife is not crazy

With apologies to Pale Fire by Vladimir Nabokov.

I used to be together with this chick
Who happened to be Asian; she was thick
In both (or every) senses of the word,
And our relationship was quite absurd.
She thought herself a poet-bard and fucked
About/around on me behind my back,
And now she is a politician/hack
By way of Boston, or perhaps of Yale.

The second Asian chick was, without fail,
Quite oftentimes wordsmith extraordinaire,
And though she often was a willing sport
(Of which, I am quite sure, you know the sort)
She indicated gently, by and by,
That our relationship would stultify
Her love towards the dragon eye
Belonging to her mighty matriarch.

The third inamorata was at heart
A cook; she'd swoon at gilded ladles, spoons
Hanging face-down from gilded metal hooks.
She never loved to read and had few books
Except Williams-Sonoma catalogues,
And now (all jest aside) I often think
She saw me as: a pot, a colander, perhaps a sink
Cheerfully clothed in shiny stainless steel.

In truth, I think less often than I feel
That (all good times with certainty apart)
This isn't even matter for the heart
But a quite lucid thing in logic's vein.
To put it simply, my wife's not insane:
She won't a raven for a writing desk mistake,
For her, a pain is a pedestrian ache,
A play of light is but an optic trick.