a list of people I have killed
Derek Choy, for a splendid first line
Nikki Martinez, for saving me from myself
silence is the best medicine
so I have reduced your name to a dot
I am surrounded by women I could love
masculine sans mescaline
I place the morning eucharist upon my tongue
& swallow hard
I sneak behind the looking glass
& see my doppelgänger gone
I watch the orange bits suspended in the jam
the black swirl marks on floors of coffeecups
the hearts on windows that now shout
OX! OX!
the steps of men on treadmills
are those of slow deliberate malfunctioned hearts
the pathways to the valves as in a children's maze
are wending to a goal that can't be found
and even this—the central office counts our souls
& prints them out in pixellated odds (or odes
& maps them out to signals of missed calls
and scribbled postal codes
(I am the kind of person who removes with teeth
his gloves
I sleep in winter and in summer
I awake
I rarely purchase sacred woven loaves
or drowse with wolves
but nicholas now rings a bell
reminding me of sleeplessness and fickleness
beapron'd sly izaz is as is
while he fills my feet with isotopes my head with dreams
the doctor to be sends me his skull as lettermail
I send him my regards sealed with a kiss
the girl in wheelchair next to me she waits
she wails (it looks like she might die
the silent orchestra on the teevee
three roses left on three steps leading to a door
cursèd olympiad ex-eye-eye-eye comes in my line of sight
like maggots white (well fed they nestle in the socket orbital
death by a thousand cunts
(can anything be real now anymore?
the way all sounds can feel within the mouth
not cellar door but retarded pederast
a spider found within a toilet bowl
(if I don't move it might not notice me
the voiceless instruments oh how they strain
the plump fat lawyer hot wheels on her cases spin
shows off the upturned white V at her darkened neck
(how many negroes can she coax upon that pin?
I can now barely see the sea it hardly can
wash grit out from my yen within its frenzied rise
on the horizon at arthur rimbaud aims paul verlaine
the winter dusts my hair soon I am wise